From: jim.speirs@canrem.com (Jim Speirs)
To: dannys@iis.ee.ethz.ch (Danny Schwendener)
Subject: One On One
Summary: Leaders should have a personal conversation with each of
 their scouts from time to time. This article gives a few good tips
 for easening the discussion.


Article #R160.
==============

One On One
Michael Lee Zwiers
The Leader, April 1991


The scene is a dusty road on the edge of a campsite, where Scouts
and adults are loading vehicles for the trip home. A Scout and
leader break from the group and walk down the road together, then
turn around and come back to the group. The leader calls another
Scout, and they head down the same road. Each trip takes two to
three minutes.

I am that leader and the Scouts are from the 130th Duggan,
Edmonton, Alta., after a recent camp. We've been having what I
call a "one-on-one". It has been a regular part of our troop
tradition for the past six years, and I'm convinced it is an
important part of our troop's success. It might make your colony,
pack, troop, company, or crew more successful, too.

There's nothing too complicated about a one-on-one. It is simply
a time for you to talk alone with one of your youth members. Let
me give you an example from outside Scouting to show its point. I
work as an elementary school counsellor and, a few months ago, a
fellow teacher asked me to see a student in her class.

"He's been here for two weeks and he's so quiet," she said. "He
doesn't get much work done. I know he lives with his mom and a
younger brother and they don't own much. He sleeps on a mattress
on the floor with his brother. I'm worried that he may be
depressed."

I took the boy from his class so we could visit for a few
minutes. After giving him a tour of the counselling room and
letting him decide where to sit, I asked him one question:
"You're new to our school. Where did you move from?"

And he began to talk, and talk, and talk. He told me about his
old school, his family, why he moved, what (and who) he missed,
things he liked to do, and everything else that was on his mind.
Almost an hour later, he returned to his class happy, sat down to
work and, according to his teacher, "hasn't stopped since".

Although this is an unusual situation where a child simply needed
a caring ear to resolve his feelings, it magnifies the incredible
value of the one-on-one. A one-on-one with your Scouts gives you
the chance to:

1. get to know each Scout a little better in an unpressured
environment;

2. communicate your interest in each Scout as an individual;

3. listen to a Scout share feelings, hopes, and needs;

4. share your observations of the Scout's strengths and needs;

5. influence the Scout's growth in your group.

It also helps Scouts get to know you in an unthreatening
environment; makes them feel they are valued as individual
members of the group; gives them a chance to communicate their
feelings, hopes, and needs and encourages them to set some
personal goals.

There's nothing inherently valuable in the one-on-one. Boxers and
wrestlers square off regularly, for example, and a one-on-one
with Mike Tyson will not make me feel particularly good or
encourage me to leap into the ring again. Likewise, your one-on-
one will not be of great value on its own. You need to structure
it to make it successful. Fortunately, it's not too difficult.


One-On-One Tips

1. Find a quiet, uninterrupted place to meet.

2. Greet young members; make them feel welcome.

3. Ask how things are going for them in the group or ask them to
share their thoughts on a recent activity, event, or outing.

4. Listen. Face them directly, look at them, listen to their
words, and try to understand what they are trying to communicate.
Be accepting of their responses. They wouldn't share them if they
weren't important.

5. Ask about the things they like and the things they don't like.

6. Think about what they say and decide what you or the Scout can
do to improve the situation. If a Scout tells of a problem with
peers, can you talk to the patrol leader to improve things (e.g.
"Bobby, your new Scout doesn't think you listen to him. Can you
give him a minute at the start and end of the meeting to chat a
bit?"). Can you help the Scout come up with a different way of
interacting (e.g. "Truman, have you tried telling your PL you
have something important you want to say to him?").

You can't promise to make everything all right because,
generally, you won't have the power to do that. A change will
take effort from you, the Scout with the problem, and the other
people involved in the problem.

7. Make positive comments about something you noted in the Scout
(no matter how difficult he is, you'll be able to find
something). Compliment him or, if that makes you feel
uncomfortable, thank him with something as simple as, "Thanks for
taking the time to make sure your uniform is smart before you
join the horseshoe" or "Thanks for doing such a great job of
keeping our firewood pile stocked all weekend".

8. Suggest what Scouts might do to improve their skills. Try to
deliver the message in the form of friendly advice ("Next time
you finish a job at camp and want to go sit by the fire, take a
minute to ask your patrol leader if he needs you for anything
else, then tell him what you want to do. He'll appreciate it.").

9. Thank them for sharing the time with you and invite them to
talk to you about anything that may come up in the future.


A Closer Look

To give you a clearer picture of a one-on-one, imagine that you
are listening in on this scene at the Scout hall during the first
meeting after a camp.

"Hi Shane. I just wanted to find out how the camp went for you
last weekend."

"It was pretty good. I had a lot of fun, especially swimming and
canoeing."

"What else do you remember that was good?"

"The wide game we played at night, and the campfire."

"Was there anything you didn't like?" 

"The mosquitoes. And the trains that went past the campsite all
night long.  I couldn't get to sleep."

"How about your patrol?"

"It was good. Except our food. We didn't buy enough snacks, so we
were hungry between meals. And Denny always argued about having
to work."

"Did he do his work in the end?"

"Yeah, but he sure complained a lot."

"I was very pleased with the way you did your work at camp. You
always do a careful job. That is a strong asset to your patrol."

"Thanks."

"Maybe the next time Denny starts complaining about work, you
could offer to show him how to do it. That way he could learn
something from you and he might stop complaining."

"Okay."

"Did you talk to your patrol leader about getting more snacks
next time?"

"Yeah."

"When you plan the menu for your next camp, why don't you make it
your job to remind the patrol to buy more snacks."

"Okay."

"Thanks for giving me some time. And, if anything comes up in the
future, you can pull me aside for a chat."

"Sure. Bye."

This little exchange took about three minutes. Not all interviews
will be as brief or upbeat. Sometimes you'll uncover deep-seated
feelings of resentment toward other group members, but most often
you'll find typical growing pains that can be overcome with a
little effort from everyone. And you will get to know your Scouts
a lot better. Occasionally, they'll share personal thoughts or
feelings. Respect their confidence. If word gets around that you
have a loose tongue they clam up on you.

You may find that one-on-ones happen along the way--while passing
badges, walking into camp, chatting in the car, or relaxing by
the fire. But you still need to plan time for them. Dedicating a
small block of time to the interaction is an important part of
its success. Scouts respond positively when they see you feel
each of them is important enough to spend some time alone with.

When I began, I had trouble keeping exchanges to less than 10
minutes. Both the Scouts and I were developing the shape of the
meetings, and they often had a number of things to get off their
chest. I also planned on paper more of the things I wanted to
say. And I admit to talking more than listening. Now that one-on-
ones are a regular part of my repertoire, they take less time and
still deliver full value.

Is your group ready for the one-on-one?  I've never had a Scout
say, "I don't want to talk to you." My Scouts look forward to our
one-on-ones, and so do I. Why don't you?  


Michael Lee Zwiers works as a Service Scouter/Trainer in
Edmonton, Alta.